Well, yes, the war in Irak, but one a more trivial plane now… I’ve just been amusing myself with checking out the astrologist Jonathan Cainer’s website. It’s rather unhelpful in that he seems to assume you know the dates for all the signs of the zodiak. Well, I know most of them, but there are a few months where I get mixed up, so I need a little prompting. I was looking, naturally, at compatibility, which is why I needed help with the dates. I do know what my own sign is, thank you very much. Anyway, this is what I found out about me, as a service to y’all:
If you want to woo, win and, most crucially of all, hold on to a fire sign companion, nurture an air of mystery. Introduce a little uncertainty into the equation. Be a bit of a tease, though only a ‘bit’ of one. Fire sign people love being stirred up but they hate being wound up. They like illusion but not deception. They can’t get enough honesty but they soon tire of total transparency.
Which is pretty accurate. I’m not going to quote anything about him, that would be giving things away to a ridiculous degree.
Yes, I know, I told you I have more or less decided that friendship’s all there is to it (which is still good). Did you actually think that would mean I would stop obsessing?
Whatever. What I was going to say was that though that characterisation of me (and most of the other stuff about me) was quite accurate (in fact, I’m a pretty typical Aries), the whole “Astro Love Computer” (as I said: Horrible, horrible) thing is a bit daft, as if you read more than one of the assessments you realise that JC does not, in fact, say anything negative about the prospects of any relationship whatever. But then, what did I excpect?
I don’t actually believe in astrology anyway.
On the subject of horrible, by the way, I just had to turn Parky off because Celine Dion came on. I mean, what? And on VH-1 they keep playing I Drove All Night, as sung by Celine Dion. Shudder. Are they trying to make me sick or what?
Before Celine The Terrible, though, Ian Hislop was on, and lord how I laugh. Why, oh why can’t BBC Prime show Have I Got News For You??? Anyway, Parky asked Hislop whether angry men mellow with age, and Hislop, deadpan, answers “Oh, yes. I’ve been thinking I want to edit Hello!, now.” And all three men (Hislop, Parky and Nigel Whasisname) guffaw like anything. So did I, in fact.
Voice on the stereo: Bruce Willis – Under the Boardwalk