Is what I’m doing at the moment, and I apologise. I apologise to you (as in You, Him with a capital H, the possibly-but-I-really-have-no-idea-man-of-my-dreams), it must be very confusing. And I apologise to the rest of you (my constant and occasional readers), this must be getting pretty monotonous.
So I am apologising. I am also asking for forbearance, as the aforementioned shilly-shallying is likely to go on for some time, I seem powerless to stop it.
Take this week. For at least two days I was convinced I had cracked it. I wanted friendship, nothing more. Yesterday, however, the sort of mood I was in made it excessively likely that had He (you) come over and said “How about it, then?” I would very probably have said “Oh, yes, please” and we could have walked happily off into the sunset. It may have had something to do with mental exhaustion from various other things going on, especially work (work, work and work), and I might have regretted my rashness seconds later. We’ll never know. And today? Well, today I’m back to “Well, I don’t know, maybe not”. I have no idea what sort of signals I am sending anymore. Tolerably confused and confusing ones, I suspect. For this I apologise also.
And I’m still at work. I have masses more to do. All I really want to do is go home and sleep for a week, though, and I think there is a merit to knowing when to call it a day and go home. Cleaning up code that has been done in a state of befuddled exhaustion is liable to take a lot longer than actually writing the code afresh in the morning.
Voice in my head: Vonda Shepard repeatedly insisting “Why would I subject myself to this kind of disaster?”