Had to reread much of Busman’s Honeymoon yesterday, in an attempt to clear my head. It sort of helped. At least got two things clear.
One is the old “cynic romantic” contradiction, viz. I believe in “the one and only” but have a bit of a hard time believing I’ll ever meet him. The cynical part of me keeps whispering that as I have yet to meet anyone who I’d even consider (really), quite apart from them being available or interested in me, the chances that I’ll ever meet anyone who can live up to the ideal (and no, I’m not going to publish the list of requirements, you’ll have to figure it out for yourself) who would also happen to think I might live up to his ideal seem very remote. The romantic part of me is humming “I know him by heart” (Vonda Shepard). Right now I’m in a mood to prefer falling in love with someone who doesn’t want me to not falling in love at all. Thinking back, I don’t think I ever have been properly in love, I thought I was, at least once, but with hindsight I think that was more of a case of desperation than anything else. I certainly snapped out of it soon enough. And for those of you who now conclude I’m repressing something or other, I really do not give two hoots if Mr Right turns out to be Ms Right instead. Experience suggests otherwise, but who am I to say?
The other thing that seems clear is that if I were happy with the rest of my life right now I probably wouldn’t feel quite so bad about the lack of romantic complications. And I’m not going to detail the problems with the rest of my life, either, I don’t know who’s reading this thing, so I have to watch what I say. One major problem you will find if you look at the friends page. I’m living in the wrong town. However, there doesn’t seem to be any town I could live in which would any less wrong.
Oops, a meeting coming up…
Music in my head: Find My Love (Fairground Attraction)