This arrived in my mailbox this morning (with an attachment called Q240312.exe) :

Microsoft Customer

this is the latest version of security update, the
“March 2003, Cumulative Patch” update which eliminates
all known security vulnerabilities affecting Internet Explorer,
Outlook and Outlook Express as well as five newly
discovered vulnerabilities. Install now to protect your computer
from these vulnerabilities, the most serious of which could allow
an attacker to run executable on your system. This update includes
the functionality of all previously released patches.

Microsoft Product Support Services and Knowledge Base articles can be found on the Microsoft Technical Support web site. For security-related information about Microsoft products, please visit the Microsoft Security Advisor web site, or Contact us.

Please do not reply to this message. It was sent from an unmonitored e-mail address and we are unable to respond to any replies.

Thank you for using Microsoft products.

With friendly greetings,
Microsoft Internet Technical Services

Now, it is of course possible that this is legit, but for several reasons I doubt it…

1. Since when does Microsoft send you security updates per e-mail?
2. The attachment is 3 byte. Not a lot for a Microsoft update.
3. The sender address is “Microsoft “, hardly convincing.
4. The recipient is “To: “Microsoft Customer”@no.domain.spam”.

Curiosity killed the cat. I find myself tempted to download the attachment to find out A. whether Norman/Norton will handle it and B. which virus it is.

Ah me.

Ok, I will resist the temptation. I think.

Voice in my head: Vonda Shepard – I only want to be with you

So. My birthday is coming up. It’s on a Thursday, so if I am going to celebrate it’ll have to be Friday 11th. Fair enough.

Huh, what am I saying “if” for? Of course I’m going to celebrate! Surely that’s the reason the Good Lord gave us birthdays? The question isn’t “if?” but “where?” and “how?”.

I’m leaning towards The Dubliner as the best option all round (it’s basically between that and my flat, The Dubliner is my favourite place for an evening out, after all). As long as I book a table there is plenty of room, even on a Friday evening (as opposed to my flat which has room for only a very moderate party). The food is good (and I wouldn’t have to cook). The drink is very good. The atmosphere is brilliant and I can pretend to be in the British Isles. There are two drawbacks:

One: Though the drink is good it is also expensive.
Two: As people will have to pay their own meal and drinks, there can be no obligation to bring me birthday presents.

Actually, the latter is potentially a good test of people’s perceptiveness and inventiveness. I do love presents – have people noticed? And I do not care whether it cost them 50 øre (4 pence or so) or 500 kroner (40 pounds or so) – in fact, unreasonably costly presents disconcert me by putting me in a state of obligation to the giver (unless I know the person really well) – it really is the thought that counts. And by thought I do not mean: “See, I brought you a present”, but “See, brought you a present that I think you will like”. (Not to put pressure on anyone at all.)

Hm. I think I will start at The Dubliner. It means I can invite more people without worrying much about whether they’ll turn up or not. We can always move on to my place (or somewhere else, for that matter) if we find we’re a suitably sized party as the evening progresses. (Note aside: I know this is the opposite of what “normal” people do. “Normal” people start the party at home and then go out. But then “normal” people want to go clubbing or sit in places with cigarette smoke so dense you can’t see your hand in front of your face and music so loud you can’t hear yourself think, let alone the person talking to you. I don’t. My idea of a perfect evening is plenty of conversation with reasonably intelligent and funny people, and I prefer to be able to hear them and to speak without having to shout.)

Anyway, that’s decided, then: If you’re near enough Oslo to be able to make it to The Dubliner on 11 April, therefore, consider yourself invited. Please let me know if you intend to turn up – I do need to book a table.

It occurs to me that I probably have to send some e-mails as well, rather than expect that everyone I know reads this. Their loss entirely, of course, but there you are, I do know such people.

It also occurs to me that this is a good occasion for publishing the laws I once set down – as they were originally created in relation to birthdays, mostly:

Ragnhilds 1. lov: Man blir aldri for gammel for geletog. (One does not grow too old for jelly trains.)

Ragnhilds 2. lov: Det er aldri noen grunn til å spare på vaniljesausen. (There is never any reason to save the vanilla sauce.)

Ragnhilds 3. lov: Man skal, om overhodet mulig, ha bursdagsselskap. (One should, if at all possible, have a birthday party.)

Ragnhilds 4. lov: Det er alltid plass til en bok til. (There is always room for one more book.)

I’ve been trying to disprove the fourth – as the good little scientist that I am – for years. I have not succeeded yet.

Voice in my head: Kent – Allt som inte är musiken (that is the title, right? I don’t even like the song, so don’t expect me to know the title.)

Judge Huw Daniel chucked a juror out of court the other day for wearing an FCUK T-shirt. Hooray! About time, too. I could understand the popularity of French Connection’s advertising campaign when it first started years ago & for about 30 seconds it seeemed cheeky and fresh. Nowadays it is stale, pathetic, puerile and irritating enough to be offensive: I have no desire to see the letters FCUK on ugly people’s chests as I go about my daily business, nor to have to see the word on buses and advertisement hoardings. People who wear FCUK T-shirts are the kind of people who like to think of themselves as a little bit alternative, a little bit rock’n’roll ? we are talking middle-aged man, really, with a bald patch and, probably, a keen interest in female mud wrestlers. We are talking WNAKERS, aren’t we; isn’t it time French Connection came up with a new campaign?

As per usual I could happily have quoted all of India Knight’s weekly column, but I have restrained myself and will make do with that paragraph.

FCUK. Yeah. It was funny the first time I saw it. It was less funny the second time. Now we’re up to 1,573,343 times (rough estimate), and the joke is wearing a bit thin.

Voice in my head: EMINEM (although I don’t suppose it is, really. Who does sing the chorus?) – Sing for the Moment

Inspired by my tulips, I went looking for a Benny Anderson poem which I thought I’d copied to my “Commonplace Book“. It turned out I hadn’t. However, I found some other poems that really deserve a bit of attention, and so, inspired by that I have created a Commonplace Book, linked also from the Bookshelf (naturally). Just now the majority of the entries are in the various Scandinavian languages, but I’ll be adding to it pretty frequently.

I thought I’d use Movable Type for this as well, I’m increasingly impressed with the flexibility – just look at that wonderful index page! Sorted by category (well, poet) and all! I LOVE THIS TOOL. I thought about turning the comment functionality off, however, I decided against it and left it in. Your views on the poems are welcomed (well, by me, anyway, the poets may not give a damn).

Now all I need to do is locate that Benny Anderson poem. Hm.

Voice in my head: my own, reading Trond Botnen

I’ve just seen The Scarlet Pimpernel, the 1982 version with Anthony Edwards. It’s not terribly good, despite having Ian Mckellen as Chauvelin (and Anthony Edwards, of course). It’s not bad, it’s just not as good as it ought to be. It sent me in search of the BBC version with Richard E. Grant, which is better, on DVD. It’s available (well, the first series is), but it’s expensive enough to mean I’d have to pay tax on it, so I think I’ll wait. It’d almost be cheaper to buy a video player, and if I did I could watch the tapes I have from when it was aired in Britain.

Or I could watch the 1934 version with Leslie Howard, which I do have on DVD, instead. And that is excellent. In fact it’s so excellent it’s one of my favourite films ever.

But not tonight. I’m sleepy. I want to go to bed. So why am I still sitting here?

Voice on the stereo: Bruce Willis – Under the Boardwalk

That was nice. In an attempt to behold a large body of water I went for a walk down by the harbour, out round Akershus Festning. It was pretty good. I sat for a while on one of the quays, and that would have been excellent except for a band playing live outside Aker Brygge, mangling the lyrics to Handle Me With Care and drowning out the cries of the gulls and any sound of waves there might have been (though there wouldn’t have been much in any case). I still miss my beach. The Oslofjord is well enough in its way, but the Atlantic it is not, nor yet the British Channel.

But sun and fresh(ish) air was pleasant. I feel like doing something outdorsy tomorrow morning if the weather holds. The question is: what does one do in Oslo on a sunny Sunday morning? “Frognerseteren” is a word that springs to mind, but what does one do at Frognerseteren? Can one go for a (tolerably relaxed and non-strenous) walk? Who knows? Then there is “Oslomarka”, but it’s kinda big. Where does one walk from? Where does one walk to? Is there a view to be had at all, or is there just woods and such? Who knows?

Answers on a postcard (or preferably e-mail/sms, please, a postcard won’t get here in time).

I almost dropped in to The Dubliner for a pint on my way back, but managed to resist the temptation. I spent the money on a bunch of tulips instead, tulips being my favourite flowers by far, the only exception, perhaps, being dandelions (but they’re not in season and don’t do well in vases in any case). Of course, my real vase has fish in it, but I find a pint-glass works well.

Voice on the stereo: Alanis Morissette – 21 things I want in a lover

I’ve said it before, and I’m bound to say it again:

When they were handing out patience I couldn’t be bothered to stand in line.

I am going outside to enjoy the sunshine – for one thing I need to go to the University Library (outside, Robin, you said “outside”).

Voice on the stereo: Carole King – It might as well rain until September

That’s what I get for having most of my friends spread, not just throughout the country, but throughout the world. Had a nice long phone call, though. And I did do the washing up.

I also got round to translating the “pictures of me” page to the new template. I even added a picture. Not a new one, mind you (well, it’ll be new to most of you).

Voice on the stereo: Bob Dylan – Seven Days (I think that’s the title, something from the bootleg collection thingy anyway)

You’re all invited over for tea (or whatever). Company would be good, but I can’t decide who to call.

We’ll have to watch Fame Academy at eight, but other than that I’m up for anything right now. Ok, almost anything.

Voice on the stereo: Avril Lavigne – Is it enough

I keep going on about hugs, but I must say that a shoulder massage is not to be sneezed at either.

Friday evening and all I’ve been able to think of all day is how nice it was going to be to get home, shut the door, and just chill. Well, I’m here. However, I find myself in a state of restlessness and vegging out is not only undesireable but well nigh impossible too. Typical.

Well, maybe I can get the washing up done. That would be some compensation. A walk might not be such a bad idea a little later.

A beach would be ideal, but I guess I’ll have to make do without.

Voice on the stereo: Shakira – Underneath Your Clothes